note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
