I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
