He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
