I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
