I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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