You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
