brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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