Who wears a wallet chain?!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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