Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
