I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
