Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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