and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
