I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
