Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
