you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
