sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
