Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
