I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
