i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
