my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
