My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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