I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
