used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
