Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
