dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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