Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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