we have officially lost it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
