u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
