My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
