Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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