fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
