I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
