Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
