PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
