Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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