He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
