Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
false alarm, still single
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
