I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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