i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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