I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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