Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
