yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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