he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
