there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
