I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When are your genitals available?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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