remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
