Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
