He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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