u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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