Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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