I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
