I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
