I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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